The most perplexing question about Kim Jong-un was never addressed in the report of the festivities Saturday celebrating his own “greatness” and that of his grandfather and father who preceded him in the brutal family business of dictatorship. That question is a multifaceted one, primarily focused on how a dictator whose hair looks like somebody pinched one off on his head is able to determine when he’s got it just right. How does he know when it looks good? When is the flip angle perfect, the amount of curl just right? What happens to people who call him Sh*thead?
Failing to address that important issue, the rest of the report on festivities was of the customary communist template that we’ve seen countless times before. Military might was front and center as the procession passed in front of the reviewing stand of officials.
The celebration took place in Kim Il-sung Square, in the center of the North Korean capitol city, Pyongyang, marking the 105th anniversary of the birth of Kim Il-sung. The reporter points to the seated Kim Jong-un watching all that is unfolding before him. Talk about pressure, those human statues know if they make one wrong move their dear leader will have them put down. It’s a bad time for their allergies to be acting up.
Kim leans over the railing to wave to the adoring masses below and feed his little, reality-challenged porkchop ego with assurances that he is in fact as great as all of those participation trophies, awards and medals he’s received throughout his life have said he is.
The official event proved to the world that North Korea is not the primitive, bland and hopeless society we’ve been led to believe here in the West. They do have balloons, as we learned from watching the aerial display. They also have pink and red flowers or colored toilet paper on a stick – it’s tough to tell which. They’re probably flowers, it’s unlikely they’ve progressed to the point of having toilet paper, or of mastering its use. The balloons are surely imported too. Some will be brought over to Kim’s playroom when all of this is over.
The centerpiece of the function, the North Korean missiles, are all theirs. Grandpa’s meaningless birthday, the waving to the crowds, the marchers, all of that is sideshow. The missiles were what they wanted us to see, and they brought the attention of the entire world through their provocations, to view them. We were also treated to the implied and overt threats.
This guy really knows how to throw a party.
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