Cows, particularly mad cows, are a rarity in New York City. It’s unheard of to find one in Times Square on New Year’s Eve. Oddly one was engaged in a solo stampede that was captured on video, putting an exclamation point on what has been a tough year for entertainment industry libs. Mad cow Carey apparently had audio troubles and may have even been so outraged by the malfunction as to attempt to actually sing on her own, in front of people. We’re talking lots and lots of people who had nothing better to do than watch the aging bovine walk around in her underwear in the cold. As a heifer she was able to pull it off, but those days are clearly past her now.
Everybody expects fake from pop stars, those who have any feelings about them to begin with, and excuse their unwillingness to actually perform for a variety of reasons. That’s fine, fans are fans for whatever reason they choose to be and are free to make their own decisions. Those of us who aren’t fans of phony people who, without thousands of dollars worth of makeup, hairstyles, costumes, lighting and surgery would resemble a heftier version of Moms Mabley, are free to express opinions as well.
It’s something that most thinking adults didn’t watch for the sake of the performance. For them it was a matter of timing and what was on the screen. That’s what the networks and New York City put on air in the minutes before the ball drop so that is what America tuned in to. It could have been an actual cow, with lip-synced vocals and the response would have been largely the same, perhaps better.
Tether it behind the feathers, start the song, drop the plumage and lead her around on stage. Some might even compliment Mariah on how good she looked, not realizing the bogus bovine was an impostor. They could even have pointed the microphone towards the audience as mad cow Mariah did, in frustration at the prospect of having to sing as if she were actually a singer rather than a performer. A quick rib poke from one of her dancers that a elicits a deep-throated “happy moo year” and off we go smoothly into 2017.
The recovery that could have been was tragically an opportunity lost, with Carey now resorting to making excuses. One word of advice in your future costume choices, Mariah, rather than the semi-transparent underwear or sequins, think of your tail; go with a “moo moo.”
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